Snow White...and her sister
by JediYvette
Summary: My version of Snow White, Rose Red


Snow White... and Her Sister   
  
Author's Note: I feel the fairy tale Snow White and Rose Red is a really badly written fairy tale. All it talks about is two sisters who share everything and always get along (for everyone with siblings, that would never happen), a dwarf with a really bad attitude and a talking bear that ends up being an enchanted prince. It never says how this bear changes or why. It just happens. I don't understand at all what the dwarf's purpose is, except maybe adding "adventure" to an already badly written plot. This is my version of the fairy tale. I am trying to make a very confusing fairy tale somewhat more understandable, and reasonable. And humorous.   
After reading this, you may think I am a younger sister. It's quite on the contrary; I am in fact an older sister writing a story bashing older sisters.   
  
  
"Snow White!" I exclaimed as I saw my sister walk out of the forest, having been missing for several hours.   
She waved at me as she made her way along the path to the house we share with our mother. I hoped Snow White would get in so much trouble for worrying the rest of us.   
Of course she didn't. She just got lost looking for wild berries in the forest. The same excuse she used a fortnight before. I could not believe my mother fell for the same lame excuse.   
My mother, however, was not as gullible as I thought. She told me to accompany Snow White next time she was sent out to find plants in the forest. I honestly could have thought of better things to do with my time, but I agreed anyway.   
So the next week, I followed my older sister into the forest in search of black berries and an assortment of herbs. How exciting. Naturally Snow White complained when she realized I was to come along.   
"Mother," she protested, "She will slow me down. We'll take twice along."   
"And be late home?" I could not help asking.   
Mother told me to be quiet, and to mind my own business. Of course. At least she still told Snow White that I was to escort her.   
Grumbling, she told me to follow her. She walked really fast, and did not stop even if I stumbled.   
I don't know why, considering what wonderful company I am.   
  
I was scared as we entered the forest. I heard enough stories about wild animals, and magical creatures. I didn't want to see them first hand. However, I was having too much fun annoying Snow White, so I followed her anyway (You know, that was rather immature thinking for a sixteen year old girl, now that I think about it).   
It was cold. That was my first thought about the forest. Cold and dark. And wet. It must have rained the day before. Funny, I didn't remember any rain...   
"Rosie," Snow White protested (more like whined) when she saw me staring at the forest around me, "You are going so slow. We have lots of things to find, and they are in the middle of the forest. Mother expects us back before sunset."   
"Why are you so worried about being back on time?" I asked annoyed, "You never came home on time before."   
It would be unladylike to repeat what she called me. However, she stopped complaining about me going too slow. Honestly, the "journey" to the center of the forest was very uneventful. However, that changed as soon as we got to there. We were looking for berries when this short gnome guy started yelling profane words at us, because we were stealing his blackberries. This led to a land rights dispute. The forest belongs to everyone. It is part of the taxes we have to pay every year. The short guy would not listen to logic though, and threatened to call the authorities.   
Snow White freaked out then, and told me that we were leaving. The dwarf smirked at us as we left. I bet he really wouldn't have called the authorities.   
We found more black berries about 15 minutes away. No psycho gnomes this time. We filled our baskets, and started to look for a long list of herbs. That is when the short man came back. I bet he followed us. He again started to yell at us. He was really starting to annoy me.   
Before I could so much as throw rocks at him, Snow White led me away, apologizing profusely to the badly dressed munchkin.   
"Why are you so scared of a gnome half your size that you can easily push on the ground?" I asked.   
She did not reply. Sisters can be so annoying; especially older ones.   
Eventually, we found all the herbs mother sent us out to find. We did not see the dwarfish gnome guy again, until we were leaving. I swear he was following us. Stupid stalker.   
We were about to leave the forest, and enter the clearing by our house when he stopped us, and demanded a toll to get out.   
Of course we had no money. It's not like we were going to town; we spent a couple hours in a forest. Who would take money there?   
"We have no money," Snow White slowly explained, stating the obvious.   
The dwarf started to laugh insanely. I wished I had a net.   
"Then you can't leave," the crazy short man cackled.   
I admit that it was really dumb of me, but I was tired of this guy. I pushed him on the ground and started to run. Show White did not follow my example. She in fact helped the elf/gnome up and apologized. Geez, we were free. What was she thinking? I'll never understand people (Wait...that includes me.... hmmm....).   
Anyway, I returned, and thus apologized too. The short man, however, was enraged. He completely cursed me out, and told me I was evil, demented, and inconsiderate (as well as other things).   
I, of course, started yelling back, until we were in a full out swearing match. Snow White eventually broke our fight up, and again apologized to the gnome.   
That's when the dwarf demanded I be sacrificed to his dwarf god. Of course I declined.   
Snow White was astonished that the gnome would suggest such a thing, and told him so. That is when he declared both of us were to be sacrificed. This was not good. Talk about a bummer of a day.   
I wanted to push him down again, but I never got a chance. Magically, I guess, he somehow (don't ask me) tied my sister and my hands together. And he started to lead us away. This was not good at all.   
When we reached the same black berry bush where we first met the crazy gnome guy, the ropes around our wrists fell off. That's when I pushed the loser on the ground, grabbed my sister's hand, and ran. Snow White protested, but I didn't listen. I didn't listen to the dwarf swear at us either.   
After several minutes we had to stop. Though I saved our lives, Snow White was upset.   
"Why did you do that? That was insane!" She yelled at me. So much for "Thank you for saving me. I appreciate it."   
"I wasn't going to let him kill us!" I exclaimed back.   
"But he is going to find us again," stated Snow White, then she added, "Then what? Push him down again? He was already mad, now he is enraged. He has magical powers. We will not escape."   
For the first time I think ever, I had nothing to say.   
"Anyway," she added, "We are completely lost."   
I couldn't argue there.   
We were sitting on a rock contemplating the situation (more like waiting for the gnome guy to find us) when the bear came.   
I started screaming insanely, while my sister just sat there, and smiled at it. Then she started talking to it, while I continued screaming. I soon after stopped, wondering what my sister was doing. Then the bear talked to me.   
"Greetings sister of Snow White."   
"You know my sister?" I asked, feeling incredibly stupid (or insane).   
"I met her in the forest last month. She didn't freak out. (Snow White smirked at that, looking at me) We talked, and we became friends, meeting in the forest now and then."   
"My sister is friends with a talking bear?" I asked, then laughed at my sister. I stopped when I saw her expression.   
"My name is Prince Edward of the Faerie," the bear explained, " I was kidnapped by the dwarf king named Bob and put under a spell, making me a bear. I am to work for Bob until I turn 21 years old. Then I'll become human again. Thereupon I am to turn over all my power to Bob."   
"When is that?" I asked.   
The Bear was silent for a second, the hesitantly admitted, "Last Thursday."   
"So something went wrong."   
"I don't know what," he said.   
We did not have time to think of what. Bob the Dwarf appeared before us. Of course I freaked out. So did Snow White. Ed the Bear was the smart one. He pushed Bob on the ground. However, this time Bob was knocked senseless. Ed tied him up with the rope Bob was carrying, then tied him to a tree. When Bob regained consciousness, he started to cry, begging for mercy from Ed. Once the Dwarf renounced his kingdom, promised to return Ed to his human form, donate all his money to various charity organizations, and to leave the forest and move into a retirement home in town, Ed let Bob go. Humbled, the dwarf apologized for all his actions, and changed Ed back to being human.   
I will admit Ed was pretty good looking, even if his clothes, looking just like Dwarf Bob's, were lacking in quality.   
With Bob and Ed's help, we found our way out of the forest. Then Bob went his way, going to the Dwarf King Retirement Home like promised, while the rest of us, with Snow White and Ed holding hands, went home.   
Yes, I'll admit I am kind of resentful that Snow White married the handsome Prince Edward and is now living in the lap of luxury in the magical kingdom of Faerie. But hey, I am the younger sister. I have that right.   
  
The End 


End file.
